"For one human being to love another: this is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation."
-Rainer Maria Rilke, poet
To love and be loved is the greatest happiness of existence
"A woman can forgive a man for the harm he does her…but she can never forgive him for the sacrifices he makes on her account."
-W.Somerset Maugham, writer
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."
-Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher
"Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished."
-Og Mandino, writer and lecturer
"Understanding is the essence of love."
-Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk and writer
"The essence of love is kindness."
-Robert Louis Stevenson, writer
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace."
-Jimi Hendrix, musician
"They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for."
-Tom Bodett, writer and radio host
February 24, 2007
Courage under Fire
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
-Lao Tzu, philosopher
I have reflected on this quote over the last two months, and on my outlook on close relationships. I learned about love via being the recipient of unconditional love from my family. Their love made me feel as if I were the most important person in their eyes, and gave me the strength to take risks in discovering my authentic self. Their love has taught me to love others without expectation or reservation, to create a safe space for my friends and lovers to express their authentic spirits. I pride myself in having few close friends, and many acquaintances. I am not somebody who views relationships as disposable--they have invaluable value, providing they are genuine. I make the conscious choice to eliminate unhealthy or toxic relationships from my life--there is no room in my world for negative energy. I treasure my relationships with others, despite seeing many friendships and partnerships subjected to neglect or being taken for granted.
An old acquaintance once told me that he would do anything for his friends, yet when that opportunity came, he turned his back; perhaps because he didn't understand what his friend was going through or perhaps because he didn't want to deal with someone else's issues. He obviously did not recognize his hypocrisy when he distanced himself instead of extending a hand. I too believe I would do anything for my friends, except my history has shown that I walk the walk, sacrificing personal integrity to protect those I consider dear to my heart. I am saddened and disappointed with lip service from people who profess to have insight into the psyche of human beings, and in the same breath, are capable of turning their back.
It takes courage to walk the walk while willingly accepting the consequences.
-Lao Tzu, philosopher
I have reflected on this quote over the last two months, and on my outlook on close relationships. I learned about love via being the recipient of unconditional love from my family. Their love made me feel as if I were the most important person in their eyes, and gave me the strength to take risks in discovering my authentic self. Their love has taught me to love others without expectation or reservation, to create a safe space for my friends and lovers to express their authentic spirits. I pride myself in having few close friends, and many acquaintances. I am not somebody who views relationships as disposable--they have invaluable value, providing they are genuine. I make the conscious choice to eliminate unhealthy or toxic relationships from my life--there is no room in my world for negative energy. I treasure my relationships with others, despite seeing many friendships and partnerships subjected to neglect or being taken for granted.
An old acquaintance once told me that he would do anything for his friends, yet when that opportunity came, he turned his back; perhaps because he didn't understand what his friend was going through or perhaps because he didn't want to deal with someone else's issues. He obviously did not recognize his hypocrisy when he distanced himself instead of extending a hand. I too believe I would do anything for my friends, except my history has shown that I walk the walk, sacrificing personal integrity to protect those I consider dear to my heart. I am saddened and disappointed with lip service from people who profess to have insight into the psyche of human beings, and in the same breath, are capable of turning their back.
It takes courage to walk the walk while willingly accepting the consequences.
Defense Mechanisms
"Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius."
-Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, composer
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
-Mother Teresa, humanitarian
-Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, composer
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
-Mother Teresa, humanitarian
Goodbye
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes its letting go ."
-Hermann Hesse, writer
Personal growth occurs when our comfort levels are tested. Sometimes it is easier to remain in a relationship than it is to walk away; our rationales are sometimes ones only we can understand. People are known to make irrational choices for the sake of love, such as sacrificing a valuable friendship or their personal integrity for a noble cause. One study by the University of Chicago linking altruism and true love, found a correlation between altruism and happy marriages. The study reported that the connection between romantic love and altruistic behavior probably comes from an appreciation of love developed in a healthy marriage and reflects the connection between marriage and love in general. The research was based on data from in-home surveys of 1,329 adults, conducted every two years with support from the National Science Foundation.
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. "
-Anais Nin, writer
Love is not work, but takes work. Too often people focus on the wedding, but lose sight of the marriage. Too often we rush into relationships without allowing ourselves to naturally float along its pleasant stream, veering whichever way the ebb currents flow. Too often neglect sets in as the focus shifts from investing in the relationship to other pursuits. Love needs to be continually cultivated for it to thrive. I firmly believe that we are all authors of our love story, and our relationship with our lover will reflect the quality of attention devoted to it.
"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it."
-Anonymous
I was raised to believe "if you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don’t, their love was never yours to begin with." No one knows the source of that quote, but it holds validity. Walking away from a relationship becomes more difficult if the relationship is perceived to have potentially increasing value. The future is unknown with respects to many aspects of our lives, leading us to question the legitimacy of our ability to shape the outcome.
"Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow."
-J.M. Barrie, writer
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love."
-Washington Irving, writer
-Hermann Hesse, writer
Personal growth occurs when our comfort levels are tested. Sometimes it is easier to remain in a relationship than it is to walk away; our rationales are sometimes ones only we can understand. People are known to make irrational choices for the sake of love, such as sacrificing a valuable friendship or their personal integrity for a noble cause. One study by the University of Chicago linking altruism and true love, found a correlation between altruism and happy marriages. The study reported that the connection between romantic love and altruistic behavior probably comes from an appreciation of love developed in a healthy marriage and reflects the connection between marriage and love in general. The research was based on data from in-home surveys of 1,329 adults, conducted every two years with support from the National Science Foundation.
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. "
-Anais Nin, writer
Love is not work, but takes work. Too often people focus on the wedding, but lose sight of the marriage. Too often we rush into relationships without allowing ourselves to naturally float along its pleasant stream, veering whichever way the ebb currents flow. Too often neglect sets in as the focus shifts from investing in the relationship to other pursuits. Love needs to be continually cultivated for it to thrive. I firmly believe that we are all authors of our love story, and our relationship with our lover will reflect the quality of attention devoted to it.
"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it."
-Anonymous
I was raised to believe "if you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don’t, their love was never yours to begin with." No one knows the source of that quote, but it holds validity. Walking away from a relationship becomes more difficult if the relationship is perceived to have potentially increasing value. The future is unknown with respects to many aspects of our lives, leading us to question the legitimacy of our ability to shape the outcome.
"Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow."
-J.M. Barrie, writer
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love."
-Washington Irving, writer
Courtship
"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love."
-Tom Robbins, writer
"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressivenss of love between two human beings is a most marvellous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."
-Hugh Walpole,, writer
-Tom Robbins, writer
"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressivenss of love between two human beings is a most marvellous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."
-Hugh Walpole,, writer
Saying Sorry
"When we hurt each other we should write it down in the sand, so the winds of forgiveness can make it go away for good. When we help each other we should chisel it in stone, lest we never forget the love of a friend."
-Christian Godefroy, writer.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."
-Peter Ustinov, actor
-Christian Godefroy, writer.
"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."
-Peter Ustinov, actor
Unconditional Love
"You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness."
-Julia Roberts, actress.
You can’t measure love, nor can you adequately describe it to another person. Perhaps more than any other emotion, you know it when you feel it. You’ll know when you’ve found your soul mate, when you really do want to spend the rest of your life with someone, when you look at your child and you just can’t breathe for loving him or her, when you mind and your being are at one with what you believe. This is true love. The greatest love of all.
"A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself—to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon a freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart."
-Leo Buscaglia, writer and speaker
"Love is my religion and I could die for that. I could die for you."
-John Keats, poet
"Love is always bestowed as a gift—freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love ."
-Leo Buscaglia, writer and speaker
-Julia Roberts, actress.
You can’t measure love, nor can you adequately describe it to another person. Perhaps more than any other emotion, you know it when you feel it. You’ll know when you’ve found your soul mate, when you really do want to spend the rest of your life with someone, when you look at your child and you just can’t breathe for loving him or her, when you mind and your being are at one with what you believe. This is true love. The greatest love of all.
"A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself—to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon a freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart."
-Leo Buscaglia, writer and speaker
"Love is my religion and I could die for that. I could die for you."
-John Keats, poet
"Love is always bestowed as a gift—freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love ."
-Leo Buscaglia, writer and speaker
Aristotelian love
It has been said that we cannot love another until we learn to love ourselves; it’ is the kind of love that ensures that we take care of ourselves first before we take care of our family and friends. The first condition for the highest form Aristotelian love is that a man loves himself. Without an egoistic basis, he cannot extend sympathy and affection to others. Such self-love is not hedonistic, or glorified, depending on the pursuit of immediate pleasures or the adulation of the crowd; instead, it is a reflection of his pursuit of the noble and virtuous, which culminate in the pursuit of the reflective life.
"Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away."
-Elbert Hubbard writer and publisher
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.
"Guard within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness; know how to replace in your heart, by the happiness of those you love, the happiness that may be wanting to yourself ."
-George Sand, writer
"You yourself, as much as anyody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection ."
-Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, religious figure
"Love can be understood only “from the inside,” as a language can be understood only by someone who speaks it, as a world can be understood only by someone who lives it."
-Robert C. Solomon, philosopher
"Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away."
-Elbert Hubbard writer and publisher
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.
"Guard within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness; know how to replace in your heart, by the happiness of those you love, the happiness that may be wanting to yourself ."
-George Sand, writer
"You yourself, as much as anyody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection ."
-Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, religious figure
"Love can be understood only “from the inside,” as a language can be understood only by someone who speaks it, as a world can be understood only by someone who lives it."
-Robert C. Solomon, philosopher
Marriage
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." 
-Andre Maurois, writer.
Marriage itself is a legal entity; the companionship of two people is infinitely more than a piece of paper; it’s a state if mind, a challenge, a commitment, all defined by love.
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
-Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher.
"To keep the fire burning brightly, there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart—about a finger’s breadth—for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule."
-Marnie Reed Crowell, writer
"You don’t marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can’t live without ."
-Anonymous
"Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat ."
-Joanne Woodward, actor and director
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."
-Winston Churchill, political leader
-Andre Maurois, writer.
Marriage itself is a legal entity; the companionship of two people is infinitely more than a piece of paper; it’s a state if mind, a challenge, a commitment, all defined by love.
"It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages."
-Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher.
"To keep the fire burning brightly, there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart—about a finger’s breadth—for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule."
-Marnie Reed Crowell, writer
"You don’t marry someone you can live with, you marry someone you can’t live without ."
-Anonymous
"Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat ."
-Joanne Woodward, actor and director
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me."
-Winston Churchill, political leader
Friendships
"One of the great truths of life is that you can choose your friends. There is a different love that flesh and blood cannot guarantee: the love of a friend who knows you, doesn’t judge you, and will be there for you no matter what. To have a good friend is the purest of all gifts: it is not inherited as with a family. It is not compelling as with a child. And it has no means of physical pleasure as with a mate. It is, therefore, an indescribable bond that brings with it a far deeper devotion than all the others."
-Frances Farmer, actress.
Aristotle elaborates on the kinds of things we seek in proper friendship, suggesting that the proper basis for these loyalties is
objective: those who share our dispositions, who bear no grudges, who seek what we do, who are temperate, and just, who admire us appropriately as we admire them, and so forth. This type of love could not emanate from those who are aggressive in manner and personality, quarrelsome, gossips, who are unjust, and so forth.
"All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox, poet.
"Friends show their love—in times of trouble, not in happiness."
-Euripides, playwright
-Frances Farmer, actress.
Aristotle elaborates on the kinds of things we seek in proper friendship, suggesting that the proper basis for these loyalties is
objective: those who share our dispositions, who bear no grudges, who seek what we do, who are temperate, and just, who admire us appropriately as we admire them, and so forth. This type of love could not emanate from those who are aggressive in manner and personality, quarrelsome, gossips, who are unjust, and so forth."All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox, poet.
"Friends show their love—in times of trouble, not in happiness."
-Euripides, playwright
Regrets...I think not.
I have been fortunate to have experienced relationships with some beautiful people (I do not use the term, 'beautiful' in the physical sense). I have also had the misfortune of being involved in some toxic relationships. I regret none of these experiences; each has contributed to developing my character.
Every experience provides me with the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson. It is important to maintain an open heart and mind, receptive to embracing new knowledge, as means of advancing understanding of myself and this world. I have learned the most about myself during the most challenging of encounters with others.
Lessons learned about myself:
Every experience provides me with the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson. It is important to maintain an open heart and mind, receptive to embracing new knowledge, as means of advancing understanding of myself and this world. I have learned the most about myself during the most challenging of encounters with others.
Lessons learned about myself:
- I sincerely like the person I am. This may sound trite, but it carries significant weight because when I explore the core of who I am, I see intrinsic integrity born from the values bestowed upon me by my family. Only I know what beauty and purity lies behind this skin, beyond this physical existance.
- I have no tolerance for negativity or immorality in my life. I try to expunge unconstructive elements from my temperment, and I absolve myself of associating with people who do not adhere to a principle-centred code of living, and who lack positivity. Life is too short to be miserable, and misery certainly loves company.
- We are all human. It is the sole commonality upon which we can all agree. As humans, we are subject to lapses in judgement, regardless of age, formal title, intellectual acuity, degrees conferred, or profession. I consider myself very intelligent; however, I am no less or human than any other, and have exhibited behaviour incongruent with my fundamental moral fibre. I strive so hard to adhere to the right path, and any cognitive dissonance is psychologically uncomfortable, resulting in the intense desire to atone for my transgressions. For example, I consider myself an honest person; however, I had to recently lie to a good friend for their protection. Ever since then, I feel compelled to share the truth behind my actions because I sincerely value this friendship. I embrace this unique quality.
- I wear my emotions on my sleeve and willingly accept responsibility for my decisions; this transparency has awarded me the respect of many valued peers. It also makes me more vulnerable to personal pain inflicted by unscrupulous souls. I am learning the art of balancing protecting my spirit and being true to myself. Despite being the recipient of manipulative tactics by those who perceive such transparency as weakness, I consider myself a stronger person if I can endure the offense and maintain my integrity.
- The best intentions mean nothing if not explicitly communicated.
- Perception is the reality people are most willing to accept because it's easier than accepting the truth.
- I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I have learned to accept my defeats with grace and that I can endure.
Love at Birth
"Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here"
-Marianne Williamson writer and peace activist.
I think back to my youth often. My home is adorned with photos of my childhood, ensuring I don't forget the love and happiness that enveloped my formative years. There are days when I wish I could return to those times: ah, to be held in the all-encompassing arms of a loved one. My family ensured that I not only knew I was loved, but that I felt loved. I was exceptionally devoted to my maternal grandparents. Each was guilty of transgressions, as us all, but both had admirable virtues, under which the premise of good intentions and hard work lay.
If we are all born with love, and with the desire to be loved, then why is it that some people consciously or unconsciously sabotage those efforts via their life choices? What drives us to run from love? I hypothesize that it is fear, but fear of what? Fear of abandonment appears to be the root cause. People fear that others would take advantage of their vulnerability, resulting in judgement or misperception, leading to personal rejection, and ultimately abandonment. This fear tends to drive the power struggle seen in many relationships: hurt the other before they hurt you; leave the other before they leave you.
If my theory holds true, then how do we end this cycle, or at least minimize its destructive potential? The first step, as with any other problem, is to acknowledge its existance or potential existance. Dr. Phil's recognition that we cannot change what we don't acknowledge is valid. It's often the first goal in marriage counselling: to try to get each person to concede to their individual contribution to the problem. The next step in the process is to investigate the rationale behind our actions; after all, we all have choices with regard to our behaviour and, no matter how terrible our actions, we need to personally account for them--sometimes to others, but always to ourselves.
-Marianne Williamson writer and peace activist.
I think back to my youth often. My home is adorned with photos of my childhood, ensuring I don't forget the love and happiness that enveloped my formative years. There are days when I wish I could return to those times: ah, to be held in the all-encompassing arms of a loved one. My family ensured that I not only knew I was loved, but that I felt loved. I was exceptionally devoted to my maternal grandparents. Each was guilty of transgressions, as us all, but both had admirable virtues, under which the premise of good intentions and hard work lay.
If we are all born with love, and with the desire to be loved, then why is it that some people consciously or unconsciously sabotage those efforts via their life choices? What drives us to run from love? I hypothesize that it is fear, but fear of what? Fear of abandonment appears to be the root cause. People fear that others would take advantage of their vulnerability, resulting in judgement or misperception, leading to personal rejection, and ultimately abandonment. This fear tends to drive the power struggle seen in many relationships: hurt the other before they hurt you; leave the other before they leave you.
If my theory holds true, then how do we end this cycle, or at least minimize its destructive potential? The first step, as with any other problem, is to acknowledge its existance or potential existance. Dr. Phil's recognition that we cannot change what we don't acknowledge is valid. It's often the first goal in marriage counselling: to try to get each person to concede to their individual contribution to the problem. The next step in the process is to investigate the rationale behind our actions; after all, we all have choices with regard to our behaviour and, no matter how terrible our actions, we need to personally account for them--sometimes to others, but always to ourselves.
Welcome
Welcome to Beautiful Spirit.
I frequently hear people talking about finding themselves, as if they had somehow lost touch with their essence.
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a very loving extended family comprised of my mother, sister, and maternal grandparents, in a culture that highly valued family cohesion. My daily life was surrounded by cousins, aunts, uncles, and family friends; there was never a lonely moment. For thirteen years, my grandparents instilled honourable values and principles upon me, resulting in a solid moral compass upon which I could faithfully rely to guide my life choices as I became a woman.
Leaving Trinidad at the age of twelve to establish a life in Canada meant leaving my grandparents behind. It was a very arduous moment in my life; however, I recognized and appreciated that the ideology I learned during my early childhood had become an integral component of my constitution, like DNA passed down from parents to their children.
Life events had forced me to mature at quite an early age and cultivated my resiliance to personally taxing circumstances. I credit the exposure to my family's interconnected nurturance with teaching me about the importance of family and the value of unconditional love. The one universal truth is that we all want to be loved. When you think about love, it typically begins with family. For many of us, our first experience of unconditional love began in the womb; our mothers loved us before ever seeing our innocent spirits. The love I felt from my family became my rock.
Writer, George Sand, wrote "there is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved." I have always believed this to be the defensible purpose to our existance. This blog will provide a forum offering a wonderfully diverse way to reconnect with our virtuous spirit and discover the meaning of love for ourselves. The incorporated quotes have been selected relative to their equivalence to my beliefs.
I frequently hear people talking about finding themselves, as if they had somehow lost touch with their essence.
I was fortunate enough to grow up in a very loving extended family comprised of my mother, sister, and maternal grandparents, in a culture that highly valued family cohesion. My daily life was surrounded by cousins, aunts, uncles, and family friends; there was never a lonely moment. For thirteen years, my grandparents instilled honourable values and principles upon me, resulting in a solid moral compass upon which I could faithfully rely to guide my life choices as I became a woman.
Leaving Trinidad at the age of twelve to establish a life in Canada meant leaving my grandparents behind. It was a very arduous moment in my life; however, I recognized and appreciated that the ideology I learned during my early childhood had become an integral component of my constitution, like DNA passed down from parents to their children.
Life events had forced me to mature at quite an early age and cultivated my resiliance to personally taxing circumstances. I credit the exposure to my family's interconnected nurturance with teaching me about the importance of family and the value of unconditional love. The one universal truth is that we all want to be loved. When you think about love, it typically begins with family. For many of us, our first experience of unconditional love began in the womb; our mothers loved us before ever seeing our innocent spirits. The love I felt from my family became my rock.
Writer, George Sand, wrote "there is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved." I have always believed this to be the defensible purpose to our existance. This blog will provide a forum offering a wonderfully diverse way to reconnect with our virtuous spirit and discover the meaning of love for ourselves. The incorporated quotes have been selected relative to their equivalence to my beliefs.
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